How are you? Good? That's good.
We have never actually met, but I live in the condo below you. I have only been here a week, but I feel like I already know more about you then I should. I would like to outline a few conclusions I have come to during my time living below you.
1. You own a dog. You know how I know this? He doesn't like being alone. So, when he is alone, he howls. FOR HOURS. It sounds like a pack of wolves is hanging out in your apartment when you are not home. This includes when you are not home at 1-2am. He still howls - and paces back and forth with his sharp toes on the floor. The part that's even better, is when you do come home and give the dog a toy to play with (at 2am) and he repeatedly drops it on the wood floor. When you yell at your girlfriend to deal with the dog and then she chases it around the condo? I can hear that part too.
2. You have questionable taste in music. No one listens to Nickelback by choice, so when you do - please respect the eardrums of others and use an ipod. When you sing along to Nickelback, this does not help the situation. I'm the first for an all out dance party, but I'd like to be able to hear my music above yours - since I don't live IN your condo with you. The only redeemable part was little hint of Mary J Blige that you played while I had my morning coffee yesterday. The soundtrack to my life is starting to feel like a bad mixed CD from an ex-bf.
3. Your girlfriend is loud in bed. What? You left me no choice here. I didn't ask to be woken up by your love-making, but that's the situation we are in this morning. As I laid next to my bf last night - my snoring, sleeping bf - I was having a hard time distinguishing whether the dog was howling, or someone was being murdered. I soon realized it was neither, and that the screaming and moaning was coming from a human. 4am sex is great, but when the whole building is silent - and the only sounds in the night are you two going at it - we have an issue. On a plus side, at least neither of you let that get in the way of ummm..enjoying yourselves. You kiss your mothers with those mouths? Crazy. I felt naughty just living below you, and I'm pretty sure I could sell a recording of you guys to Lava Line for a decent chunk of change.
I know this is Whalley, and I'm trying to keep an open mind - but pay attention to your howling dog, get some headphones for your Nickelback binges and please, for the love of everything good and right in the world, keep me out of your sex life.